


The Man He Was

by SpacePants



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 18:52:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4070794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpacePants/pseuds/SpacePants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for this wonderful prompt:</p><p>After the Feralden Circle, Cullen was initially shipped to Ostwick rather than Kirkwall. While there, he developed a very deep attraction to Trevalyen, but, thanks to his experiences, he expressed it in the worst possible ways. </p><p>Cullen was a hundred times harder on Trevalyen than any other mage in the circle, determined to believe that she was somehow magicking him to be attracted to her and care about her. It got so bad that her noble family intervened and demanded that he be sent somewhere else.</p><p>And so Cullen went to Kirkwall.</p><p>When they meet up again in the Inquisition, Trevelyan is understandably wary of him and Cullen discovers, to his horror, that none of his attraction or grudging respect for her has faded in the slightest.</p><p>After everything he's been and done, how can he make her see that he's no longer the man he was?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the kink meme. Episodic POV alternating between Trevelyan and Cullen, still in progress, this is turning out much longer then I thought it would.

With trembling fingers Evelyn Trevelyan gripped her quill and prepared to write a letter home; she had put off contacting her father for as long as she could reluctant to involve him in such a sensitive matter. Too long she had endured 

Bann Trevelyan,

Father, my dearest wish that this letter finds you in good health I miss you terribly and every letter from home is a blessing. 

I must regretfully inform you that is letter is not a social call but a request for help, please know that I would never burden you with this unless there was no other option. A year ago a Templar by the name of Cullen Rutherford was sent here from Ferelden’s circle, he was present at the tower while it was overrun with abominations and his distrust and hatred for mages is significantly stronger than most Templars I have encountered. 

Father I promise you I do not exaggerate, Sir Cullen is hard on all of the mages but in private he has made me the target of his personal attention. He subjects me to searches, berates me constantly, accuses me of blood magic, and forgive me father for this shames me to commit to pen but he has expressed desire for me in a very forward and aggressive manner. At the time of writing this he has not progressed beyond laying his hands on me but I fear that it is only a matter of time before he forces himself on me. Over the last few months his attentions have only increased in frequency and each time he pushes further.

I have spoken to the Knight Commander and Grand Enchanter but my fears have been dismissed and as far as I know Cullen has not been reprimanded. Please father I beg you to help me, I am unable to defend myself from him without the use of magic and to do so brings the risk of tranquility. 

With Love,

Evelyn Trevelyan

Evelyn read over the letter several times before folding and closing it with a thick wax seal, if she was lucky her father would have it within the week, two weeks at the most, how long until anything came of her letter would remain to be seen. Her father had always doted on her even after they discovered that she was a mage and she did not doubt that he would use his influence to help her, she thought back to the previous night and the events that had prompted her to reach out to her father.

She had been unable to sleep that night and was reading alone in the library seated at a desk in a small niche with bookshelves behind her and on either side of her. She had hidden among the history texts a romantic novel that she had been slowing working her way through, hidden only because of the embarrassment of being caught with a romance serial. So engrossed she had been in the antics of the story’s heroine that she never heard Cullen approach.

“What are you doing here mage?” He demanded suddenly, causing her to jump in her chair.

Her heart jumped in her chest when she saw him, of all the Templars to find her alone Cullen was the worst, from the first day they met he made her the target of criticism and harassment. So often that she would turn to find him staring at her that she became convinced that he followed her, the intensity of his gaze sent shivers down her back. Verbal cruelty was only the beginning. His criticism of mages soon became personal condemnations of her character, her dress, and loyalty to the chantry and on one occasion he forced her to show him her bare arms and legs to prove she wasn’t a blood mage.

His hatred towards mages was one thing, she had dealt with overzealous Templars before, Templars who desired mages were also common place as were the mages who returned their interest. Even so, he was not like any she had encountered before, when she felt his eyes upon her she worried that there was little holding him back from assaulting her.

“Cullen…” She stammered cheeks flaming red. “I-I was just studying.”

She wasn’t sure why she lied, embarrassment of the novels content for sure but it was obvious that she wasn’t studying. Cullen glared down at her his eyes seeming to pierce through her clothing. She nervously clutched her hand on her closed lapel. 

“I’m sorry I’ll go to my room now.” She said hastily rising from her chair, book clenched tightly in her hands.

She tried to walk past him only to find her path blocked by his large frame, he placed an armored hand on her shoulder.

“I will escort you.”

Her heart sank, there was no way she wanted to be alone with him in her room. Shrugging his hand off of her she took a step back and looked up to meet his eyes.

“I would rather you didn’t.” She stressed. “Goodnight, you will not find me out so late again.”

She tried to brush past him but he grabbed her arm above the elbow and angrily yanked her back to him. 

“What are you hiding Trevelyan?” He hissed so close to her that she could feel his hot breath on her face.

“Nothing! Please Cullen let me go.” She pleaded, his grip on her arm tightening as she tried to pull away.

“I don’t believe you, do you really think that you can manipulate me so easily mage?”

Cullen pressed her roughly against the bookshelf, books shook and fell around them, she gasped in pain as book corners dug into her back. He pressed himself against her and fisted his hand in her hair forcing her to meet this eyes.

“Haven’t you mages done enough to me?” He snarled. “I know you must be using blood magic to make yourself more alluring to me.”

She stared at him mouth agape. Did he really believe that?

“I have done no such thing!”

“You lie.” He snarled giving her head a slight shake.

“I think about you constantly, often I find myself searching for you.” He confessed relinquishing his grip on her hair and trail down to cup her cheek.

“I lose control of myself when I am near you.” He murmured bring his free hand to cup and message her breast, he leaned in close as though to kiss her.

“No…” Evelyn whispered.

Evelyn rapidly blinked her eyes unable to stop the tears threatening to spill, she brought her hands up to push against his armored chest. He was an immovable force against her hands, she doubted that he even felt her resistance through his breast plate. All of her life she imagined that she would confront danger head on and indulged in fantasies of fighting off any who would dare to attack her. Now when she needed strength the most she found herself paralyzed by fear.

“Please don’t rape me.” She whimpered, their lips so close that she could feel his lips trembling against hers as she spoke. 

He let out a gasp and tore himself away now breathing heavily and standing before her face flushed, his fist clenched at his sides. For a long moment they stood parallel to each other unsure of what to do from there. His anger seemed to wash away from his face taking on an ashamed and confused expression.

“I don’t want to do this.” He said finally. “I don’t want to feel this way anymore. You… make me feel this way and I can only resist you for so long.”

“I am not doing anything to you.” She insisted.

“Foul and corrupt are they who have taken His gift and turned it against His children.” He recited in a breathy whisper. 

“Should I ever discover proof that you are maleficar I will not hesitate to strike you down.” He clutched his sword hilt.

Evelyn glared at him her jaw tightening with anger. How dare he treat her this way and blame her for his obsession with her?

“You make me sick.” She hissed. “You’re pathetic.”

“Go to your room.” He said as he turned to walk away from her.

“You make me sick!” She screamed after him.

He flinched at her words but continued on without looking back, she watched him until he was out of sight, her clenched fist shaking with rage. Hot tears slide down her cheeks, she angrily wiped them away with her sleeve. This was too much, she decided, she couldn’t live this way. For the sake of her sanity and well-being she knew then that she would have to contact her family.


	2. Chapter 2

Cullen recognized Trevelyan the moment he saw her accompanying Cassandra as they fought through demons to reach the ruined temple. He first took her to be an inopportune withdrawal hallucination masking the true features of the mage fighting along side of them. However the image never wavered when he spoke directly to her as these hallucinations usually did and although her appearance was somewhat different now 10 years later she was unmistakably Evelyn Trevelyan. 

She showed no outward sign that she had recognized him, seemingly happy to speak to him during their brief meeting. It was made obvious that she had not recognized him until they were formally introduced several days later. At his name her eyes widened and her mouth fell slightly agape. She recovered quickly and swiftly turned to dividing her attention between Cassandra, Leliana and Josephine, carefully avoiding his gaze. He followed her lead making no mention of their past instead taking the opportunity to study her intently, the years have been kind to her, no longer a young girl in the beginning of adulthood she boasted the body of a curvaceous woman. He thought her much more alluring now then he had in the past.

He scowled, that his thoughts should immediately turn to how attractive her still found her was deeply troubling. Still he did not stop himself from watching her until she glanced in his direction prompting him to avert his eyes and feign interest in the papers he held. 

He found himself consumed with the memories of the shameful way he treated her in the past, the anger that filled him and caused him to lash out. His own lust for her filled him with disgust driving him to self-abuse. At the time he questioned how, after what he had endured at the hands of maleficars and demons could he have such filthy desire for a mage unless it were the construct of magic? He hounded her mercilessly, to what end he wasn’t quite so sure anymore, at the time he justified his actions with the belief that with enough goading she would reveal her true nature as a maleficar and he would be free to eliminate her. 

His brow beaded with sweat and his face grew hot with shame, suddenly he couldn’t bear to occupy the same room as her.

“Excuse me, I must check on the soldiers.” He excused himself, forcing himself to leave calmly.

After leaving the Order he was lost and through the inquisition he had discovered a new purpose, a chance to redeem himself and benefit the world when it needed it most. He had found that work was a welcome distraction, a way to distance himself from the guilt he felt for his actions over the last 10 years, the agonizing memories of torture, the misery of lyrium withdrawal and now it would suit to distract himself from her.


	3. Chapter 3

Evelyn stood by the stables watching the soldier’s train, specifically commander Cullen, how strange she thought, to refer to him as commander now. He seemed genuine when he insisted that he was no longer a Templar, something she was surprised to find how much that meant to her coming from him.

She avoided speaking to him going to far as to circumvent being alone with him altogether, the few instances in which they had spoken outside of the war room were only because of unavoidable circumstances. She wasn’t sure how long she would be able to evade him, the longer inquisition needed her the more she would have to interact with him. In the last few weeks she had noticed him staring at her and had been caught a few times staring back. Gone was the hatred in his eyes, replaced by longing. For what she wasn’t exactly sure, he always seemed like he wanted to speak with her but held his tongue around the others. 

Finding him here was certainly a surprise, one that she never expected but she was learning to adjust. Before being reintroduced the anguish and fear he put her through had seemed like a distant memory, an unpleasant experience that she could almost pretend had happened to someone else. Seeing him again reawakened those memories, now she could close her eyes and replay it clearly, feel his touch on her, even remember the metallic smell of his armor mingling with his own natural sent. 

His presences reminded of why she distrusted the Templars, before he came to her circle she truly believed that the Templars and the Chantry wanted to protect the mages. The experience with Cullen changed the way she regarded the Templar order and the Chantry. Initially was no acknowledgement of her father’s involvement with Cullen’s removal, one day he has there the next he was not. She eventually asked the Knight Commander about his disappearance only to be told to mind her own affairs and to ask her father to do the same. She began to notice a change in the behavior of the other Templars, they seemed angry with her for casting the circle in a bad light, by reaching out to her father she had embarrassed the order and the circle, why was that more offensive to them than Cullen’s behavior? 

She was so angry then and yet powerless to do anything about it, her virtue and her self-worth was meaningless to the order. In their eyes she was the mage who complained, the mage who made trouble. How long would they have allowed Cullen’s behavior to continue? How often this this sort of thing happen, how many of her friends suffered in silence without the ability to call for help? 

Over the years she became painfully aware of the inequality between the mages and Templars, instances that she never questioned before now filled her with a deep sense of injustice but nothing had actually changed but her perspective. 

Her thoughts were interrupted as she noticed Leliana sauntering up to stand beside her. She gave her a smile.

“Leliana.” She greeted her warmly, truly she was happy to see her, her thoughts had taken a dark turn and Leliana was a welcome diversion.

“Herald,” Leliana smiled. “How did I know that I would find you here?” 

“I am not sure, but I would not be surprised to hear that you have expanded a great deal of resources in figuring it out.” Evelyn teased.

“Oh it was nothing,” Leliana smiled. “I have just so often noticed you standing in this very spot.”

“Have you?” Evelyn asked wearily, she wasn’t aware that her daily habits were so predictable, for once in her life she would like to pass the day unnoticed.

“Yes, watching our soldiers train, or perhaps more likely watching our commander train, hmm?” She smiled coyly. “He is a well-made man.”

“He…is a well-made man.” Evelyn conceded blushing furiously. 

“You could always go talk to him.” Leliana suggested slyly. “Surely the commander is the sort of man who appreciates the company of attractive women.”

“Perhaps I am not the sort who wishes the company of any man.” Evelyn mused. “Or woman for that matter.”

At this Trevelyan gave Leliana a pointed look, one that Leliana either didn’t notice or choose to ignore.

“You know Lady Trevelyan, I came across a very interesting document the other day, about our Commander Cullen.” She continued. “I was previously unaware that he had briefly resided at the circle of Ostwrick. The same circle you lived at until recently yes?”

Trevelyan glared at her. 

“You obviously know the answer to that.” She said through gritted teeth. 

Leliana paused for a moment, fingers resting lightly on her chin and staring off at the soldiers and seemed to choose her words carefully. 

“I apologize, perhaps this wasn’t the best way to approach this topic.” She started. “I should not treat you like most nobles I deal with.”

“I imagine you can’t help it.” She sneered. “How commonly known is this topic?” 

“I assure you that I have not shared my knowledge with anyone else, Hereld.” She replied.

Trevelyan nodded and turned to leave, her cheeks flushed with anger and embarrassment.

“You should know.” Leliana followed her. “I was with the Hero of Fereldane at Kinloch Hold. I saw what happened to all of the Templars and mages, I saw what was done to Cullen.”

“This was a long time ago but I remembered him when Cassandra invited him to join the inquisition, I was weary about entrusting him with such an important task but I did not argue.” She continued wistfully. “Cassandra obviously saw greatness in him and so far I have not been disappointed.” 

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Trevelyan said turning away from Leliana. “In the future I’d appreciate it if you resisted the urge to pry into my personal life.”

She marched herself to the tavern for a much needed drink, she didn’t even want to delve into her pass within the privacy of her own mind much less with anyone else. She knew she would have to talk to him but she just wasn’t ready yet.


End file.
